


Wrap me up till it’s all over

by Smugdendingle



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Agoraphobia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Hospital, Husbands, M/M, Panic Attacks, scared Robert, worried aaron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16307309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smugdendingle/pseuds/Smugdendingle
Summary: Robert has agoraphobia where it leaves him feeling scared of going outside, not leaving his home. Can Robert overcome this with the help off his husband?( rewrote chapter 4. And changed title.  )





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. 
> 
> I’ve decided to get back into writing again because got nothing else to do in my life.  
> I’ve googled about acrophobia I’ve tried my best but may have things that are incorrect, I’m sorry if I have offended anyone of you.

“ Robert we’re going to the pub later on, after work. Around 5 so be ready before then? “ Aaron was sitting at the table watching his husband cleaning the dishes whilst sipping on his tea, watching carefully at every move Robert made. 

Robert shook his head whilst continuing to do the dishes, trying to push away the fear of going out. Because it will be too dangerous with the amount of accidents that will happen staying in the house is the safer option. 

“ I’ve got paper work to do today so you can text me if you need me. “ Ignoring the rejection from Robert. But Aaron made his way to his husband hugged him. Not taking no for an answer. “ I’ll meet you at 5 then we’ll go to the pub. “ Robert tensed and repeatedly shaking his head with shaking hands.  
“ no, no, no “ whispered under his breath. “ 

Aaron turned Robert around cupped his face, spoke softly  
“ we agreed didn’t we? That we will have a meal together and then we can come back here can’t we. “ he give Robert a soft, gentle kiss on the forehead. 

“ No I don’t want too. We can do it another night. We can just stay here today. “ fear in his eyes, basically pleading his husband to not take him out. The idea alone is scary how can he go outside? It’s just terrifying thinking about it, what if something happens to them if they stepped out of the house? 

“ Robert we agreed that it’ll be today. “ Aaron replied firmly but giving his husband soft eyes rubbing his hand up and down Robert’s arms. 

“ I’ve changed my mind I don’t want to go. “ Robert said stubbornly. Trying to get out Aaron’s space, with Aaron not letting him go. 

Rob we need to do this, it’ll be fine. 

“ It’ll be dangerous we need to stay here. Please Aaron. I’ll go tomorrow I promise. “ Robert spoke in small voice, lacing with fear. 

“ We need to do this Rob. I’ll meet you at 5 okay? “ Aaron left Robert standing by the sink gripping the counter till his knuckles went white. Trying to keep his breathing even as possible but feeling his chest go tighter, he then walked up the stairs to go to bed because that is the only place where it isn’t dangerous. Pulling the blanket over himself making himself as small as humanly possible. 

Hours later Aaron came back home after work, he wasn’t expecting Robert to come to the pub with him, but he hoped for his husband to leave the house ever since getting advice off the doctor.  
He took in deep breath whilst walking into the Mill, taking off his shoes and coat. “ I’m home. “ he walked through the door and smelt food also seeing his husband in the kitchen. 

“ I’ve cooked us Chicken, rice and vegetables. “ Robert said smiling at Aaron over his shoulder. “ but I know your not keen on them so I’ll just have them that okay with you? “ as Robert put down glasses onto the table acting as this is totally normal, ignoring the look his husband is giving him. “ How was work then? “ Robert sounding casual as possible putting his hands on his hips looking at Aaron standing by the couch was an unimpressed face on. 

“ Robert. “ Aaron spoke seriously calm. “ we were meant to be going to the pub and have dinner there. “ 

“ I forgot. but we can stay here now can’t we? I’ve just cooked this for us. “ Robert said innocently as he started to put the food onto the plates. 

“ no we agreed didn’t we? We need to do this. Come on. “ Aaron held Roberts hand gently guiding him to the front door, as Robert is pushing away at him. 

“ No, no , no , no. We can’t. we need to stay here, we need to be safe. We can go to tomorrow I promise, please I don’t want go today. “ Robert desperately told Aaron looking terrified as he was pushing away with much force he had but not getting anywhere. 

Aaron ignored him and carried on guiding him to the main door. “ come on, It’ll be alright. I’ll be here to protect ya. “ Aaron opened the first door to the hall getting their coats whilst putting on Robert’s shoes ignoring Robert as he was still trying to get back inside. 

“ no please I need longer, I need more time. We can just stay here. “ he gasped as the main door opened the cold air hitting in him in the face. Trying to push away Aaron going further back into the house. 

“ you did brilliantly the other day didn’t you? You can do the same again today. “ Aaron stepped outside giving Robert a tight squeeze on his arm. But Robert was trying to get out of Aaron’s grip. “ We can just walk to the gate first and then go from there okay? “ he spoke softly to Robert. 

“ No, no, no , no , no. “ Robert spoke quietly to himself 

“ You are doing good, you trusted me the other time and you can trust me today. Do you trust me? “ Robert nodded but Aaron needed him to say it 

Robert muttered a yeh very quietly. Both men were both outside, Robert having a death grip around his husbands waist. 

“ we’ll do the same again we’ll walk to the playground or the bridge and then to the pub okay? “ 

“ no! It’s not safe we need to go back home, this is dangerous. Please I’ve changed my mind, we need to go. “ Robert was crying freely whilst Aaron was wiping away his tears on his face. 

I know you think this is scary but we’ll be fine okay? We are safe. I’ll always protect ya. 

Aaron again gently guiding Robert to the playground with Robert still holding Aaron’s waist. They made it to the nearest bench. Robert took deep breath whispered so quietly. “ can we go now? “ he was hugging his husband into his shoulder. 

“ We can just sit here and enjoy the peace can’t we? “ Aaron pulled Robert tighter around him, Robert rested his head on his husbands shoulder before two loud bangs came out of nowhere.

Robert jumped whilst letting out a little scream covering his ears, crying and muttering to himself. “ no! No ! Plz no. We need to go. “ 

Aaron giving the death glare to whoever made his husband scared. “ It’s okay it was only a car horn it won’t hurt ya. “ he was silently whispering nothings into his husbands ear. 

“ We need to go now. It’s not safe. it’s dangerous we are going to die. Please Aaron. “ Robert was shaking, and whimpering to himself holding Aaron closer till his husbands face was in Aaron’s chest. 

Aaron wiping away few tears of his own before gently soothing his husband making gentle circles on Robert’s neck trying to calm him down. Trying to get rid of the lump formed in his throat, he just knew that he has lost all hope of taking Robert to the pub. 

“ come on then let’s go home. “ he hugged Robert tighter giving him a small kiss on the head, walking back to the Mill in silence. 

After they got back Robert went straight to the kitchen, to have glass full of water, leaving Aaron standing at the door getting out of his coat and shoes, before breathing deeply and sighing.  
He walked to Robert saw how he was still shaking, he give him a small kiss put the glass down onto the counter. “ go sit down yeh? I’ll reheat the food. “ Aaron giving Robert a small smile after few moments he heard small, breakable voice from the couch. It broke Aaron’s one heart in two. 

I’m sorry Aaron. 

Aaron rushed to Robert sitting next to him on the couch. Rubbing his arms again giving him as much comfort as possible trying to make him feel secure. “ you have nothing to be sorry for okay? We can try again can’t we? “ Robert nodded still looking scared, worried and vulnerable as he had tears building up in his eyes Aaron wiped them away giving him a small smile before talking. 

“ Go find something to watch on the tele then. But nothing geeky okay? “ grinned Aaron as he got up started to put the plates into the microwave, turning his back from the tea cooking, he was watching Robert remembering the first time he wouldn’t leave the house that was over few weeks ago now, just after the carbon monoxide poisoning. Remembering how Robert was demanding to not leave, saying how things are too scary and they’ll die. It scared Aaron because he never saw such an emotional reaction out of his husband. The beep off the microwave pulled him out of his thoughts and started to walk back to Robert. Who was laying on the couch snuggled up in blankets watching top gear reruns at least he looks content again not scared anymore. 

Hours later they went to bed tired from watching countless episodes of top gear and drinking beer whilst eating chocolate as well. They were both cuddling each other under the blankets both nearly falling asleep till Robert spoke quietly barely a whisper “ I’m sorry about today you know, I can’t help it. Your not disappointed in me are you? “ he looked like a lost boy who did something wrong. 

Aaron looked shocked held his husband tighter around the waist pulling him for a kiss on the cheek. “ I will never be disappointed in you. never think that, I know you can’t help it but we can try in little steps can’t we? “ sounding hopeful whilst Robert nodded slowly falling asleep on Aaron’s chest.  
“ I’ll always protect ya, I love you so much. don’t like seein’ ya like this. “ whispered into Robert’s head before falling asleep as well. 

Morning came around quite quickly in Aaron’s opinion which was dreadful. He groaned as he was brought out from his slumber, but he always loved this waking up to your husband fully up against him sleeping on him, looking so peaceful. Aaron started to kiss Robert on the cheek, as Robert started to stir in his sleep “ morning husband. “ he muttered into Robert’s head, Robert was wriggling around to get more comfortable on the bed then went back into Aaron’s arms giving him gentle kisses. 

He looked up at his husbands bright blue eyes before smiling as he spoke “ I dreamt about you, you know.” Robert whispered softly tugging onto Aaron’s shirt 

“ Hope it’s good ay. “ playing with his husbands thick, blonde hair. 

“ I only remember parts but you were here protecting me from something. “ 

Aaron chuckled “ told ya I’ll always be here didn’t I? “ 

“ I know. “ they both lay on the bed content for few moments with Aaron thinking of an idea to try to attempt Robert to get out of the house again. 

“ i’m going to make a English breakfast “ Aaron said as he got up from the bed, thinking that he should say they’re going for a walk to the bridge this time after breakfast. 

As Aaron was downstairs getting things ready Robert was panicking about going down the stairs, what if he slipped and broke his ankle? He once fell down them last year, the stairs show that they are a danger to everyone. But then he tried to push himself to go downstairs he needed too, he can’t stay in the bedroom even if the panic started to bloom again. Every step he took he was very careful to not to fall, every move he made was tense trying not to damage anything. 

One step  
Two step  
Three step 

He kept counting till he was at the bottom when he was finally downstairs he took in a deep breath he was safe again. He walked to the couch to turn on the television putting on anything that was interesting. There wasn’t. He huffed walked to the table sat down watching his husband move about, which was probably ten times better because of the view as he bent down. Aaron caught him staring and grinned but carried on with the breakfast he still felt a warm feeling down his spine and butterflies in his stomach when Robert would stare at him with such soft, heart eyes. 

Aaron sat down putting both of their plates onto the table before digging in. Few minutes later Aaron was trying to find the courage to ask about going out he felt nervous because he just knew that’ll he no but he needs to try anyway.  
As Robert was putting the beans, egg and bacon onto his fork before adding the half cut sausage Aaron decided this was the time. “ we could walk to the park after this couldn’t we? “ Robert didn’t even hesitate with his answer which was a no. 

It’ll be fine. You did okay yesterday I know you can do it again. Please rob! Do it for me. 

“ I can’t Aaron. Please don’t make me. It’s too dangerous what if a car hits us? What if we slip and fall? What if the road is slippery? “ Robert was panicking and shaking giving breaths gasping for air. 

Rob, breathe come on, breathe. 

..... I..... can’t... 

Deep breath in and out come on listen to me count to three with me 

..... one..... two..... three...... 

Again

“ ...one...Two.... “ Robert’s breathing came back to normal before blowing out a deep breath still shaking. 

“ I’m sorry we won’t go out okay. We can just stay here for while. “ he hugged Robert as tears in his eyes started to fall down his face. He felt so helpless he didn’t know what to do at all, how can he help his husband to get out of the house when he is having an panic attack just about the concept of it?


	2. Don’t slip further away from me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert freaks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ty for liking, reading, commenting much appreciated. 
> 
> :)

For the next few days Robert had gotten a lot more worse he was not going outside at all, not even when Aaron had pleaded for him too. When Aaron tried again to take him out, when they reached the front door Robert would run back inside in hysterics crying, shaking feeling like he was going to die if he went outside. 

( “ Rob come on your doing well one more step. “ Aaron was guiding Robert out of the door.  
“ No! No, no. I can’t go. we’ll die. We can’t someone will get us. “  
Robert was pushing hard against Aaron trying to get him off him. Shaking uncontrollably tears falling down his face. “ we need to stay here we need to be safe. Aaron all of them are laughing at us, they are all staring we can’t go. Please we can’t. “ one final push against Aaron and he was free he ran back inside hiding in the downstairs toilet for the next 20 minuets, he was talking, muttering to himself not letting his husband in at all. He was ignoring Aaron when he was crying freely trying desperately to get in to see if his husband was okay, to see if he didn’t hurt himself. ) 

Aaron tried talking to the family about his husband they were all concerned and worried for Robert’s well being. None of them knew what to do they talked to doctors about Robert’s symptoms and they said if Robert physical can’t leave the house they should ring him so, they can talk to Robert but Robert always said that he was fine he didn’t need doctors, even when Aaron, Chas, Vic told him countless times that this isn’t normal. 

One day when Aaron went to go to the pub for a pint leaving Robert in the house he didn’t realise that, this day would be the day he couldn’t get back in to his own home.  
—————————————  
Robert’s POV 

Everyone is laughing at me aren’t they? They all think that Robert Sugden has finally lost it haven’t they? That’s why I can’t leave I don’t want to see all their faces looking at me with embarrassment, staring at me like I’m sort of freak show.  
I’m safe here this is the only place where I’m safe I can’t get hurt can I? But what if I slip and fall cut my head? There was a carbon monoxide leak in this house, this house is too dangerous.  
But I need to stay here this is just the final option I have I can’t leave. I need to lock all the doors and windows I can’t let anyone in they might hurt me. I need to be safe I can’t die I can’t. I bet Aaron is laughing at me bet he’s embarrassed, ashamed even that his husband has finally lost his fucking mind, I can’t think straight what if I have actually lost my mind?  
I’m sitting on the couch in silence like some nutter, I can’t let anybody in, they’ll take me away from my home, they’ll call me mad and say I can’t leave the hospital. This is why I need to stay here I’ll be safe, I’ll be fine. 

————————————— 

“ Listen love, you need to go home see if Robert’s okay, after what you’ve been telling me about the last few days he sounds quite bad. “ Chas speaks softly leaning against the bar pouring other punters their beers. 

“ I know Mum but I don’t know what to do okay! He won’t leave the bloody house so how can I help? When I tell him I’ll ring the doctors for him he says he’s fine. He’s in denial. “ Reply’s a stressed husband drinking his beer looking helpless, but gets up anyway says his goodbyes to his mum. 

He walks to the Mill trying to find the words to help Robert out, trying to find the confidence in himself to get Robert better but he’s scared because Robert is stuck in denial if he doesn’t want help he’s hardly going to ask for it is he?  
He opens the door and it’s locked which is odd, he frowns he makes his way to the back door which is also locked he feels uneasy about this because something doesn’t feel right quick obviously. He rings Robert’s number and it goes straight to voicemail, ties again does the same he walks back to the front door but stops he sees Robert sitting on the couch muttering to himself, not noticing that Aaron is outside. He panics and starts banging on the door  
“ Rob! Robert! Open the door now! I’ll knock it down if I have too. Let me in! “ he carried on banging the door 

Robert silently rocking backwards and forwards muttering to himself staring at the floor. “ No, no, no, they’re here, they’re going to take me away. They going to hurt me I can’t let them in I can’t! “ 

“ Robert let me in please I need to see you!” He walked around the house again to see through the window saw Robert silently rock backwards and forwards talking to himself. He looked like he wasn’t even in the room.  
He rang his mum and Victoria to see if they can help because it’s better having more people than one lookin like a idiot. 

“ Aaron! What’s wrong? Why won’t Robert let you in? “ Vic and Chas both walking down the driveway saying different questions at the same time. 

“ Roberts locked all the doors he’s rocking backwards and forwards like a fucking rocking chair talking to himself. “ both of their faces look like a picture. The picture of oh my god he has lost it. Or more horrified. 

They peek through the window and see Robert acting like what Aaron said, but as they’re looking through the window Robert notices them and quickly closes the curtains over. 

———————————— 

Robert’s POV 

I caught their eyes watching me i gasp run towards the window and close the curtains they’re laughing at me, why can’t they leave me alone? I hear talking, shouting, banging I crawl in on myself and cover my ears protecting myself from everyone. They are trying to kill me, they’re staring at me I can feel all the eyes on me but it’s only me here but I know they can see me I know that they can. 

—————————————— 

“..... love, we need to break the door down it’s the only way to get in. “ Chas speaking softly as she’s rubbing Aaron’s arm and Vic panicking and crying beside them. 

“ Rob! I’m going to break the door down if you don’t open it. You have ten seconds. “ Aaron takes in a deep breath before kicking and pushing himself against the door, the door gives way and they all rush in to see the state Robert’s in. 

Robert is standing in the kitchen hands covering his ears as he shouts, voice broken. “ No! Stop it! Leave me alone please! Your going to kill me. “ Aaron, Chas, Vic look scared Robert is against the counter crying hysterically talking to himself looking terrified. 

“ Rob it’s okay. We’re not going to hurt you, we’re trying to help you.” Aaron takes gentle steps towards his husbands. 

“ no! Your going to hurt me, all of you are laughing at me, your going kill me. “ Robert speaking fast and panicked 

Vic speaks up as she continues to walk towards her brother.  
“ no, no we’re not rob we just want to help ya. Okay? “ speaking softly. 

“ stand back don’t go near me your going to hurt me. Your lying. “ he pushes himself further into the corner of the counter. 

“ Rob it’s okay, you know we won’t hurt ya, especially me you can trust us okay? “ Aaron is so near Robert he could touch him but decides not to because he doesn’t want his husband scared even more. 

“No, no, no, no. Your going to hurt me, your going to take me to hospital and they’ll call me mad. They won’t let me leave. All of you are laughing aren’t ya? Behind my back, talking about me. I bet your doing this on purpose so you can get rid of me. “ everyone in the room is crying, all feeling heart broken watching his husband, her brother, her son in law looking so scared, vulnerable not trusting anybody. 

Aaron takes in a deep breath before walking closer to Robert making little space as possible between them. “ you can trust me Robert. Remember when I took you out and you were scared I helped you then didn’t i? Or when you had that dream about me protecting you then aye? I’ll never hurt you, so just please let us help you Rob. “ Robert’s face crumbles again and falls into Aaron’s chest, sobbing loudly as he hugs his husband tighter not letting him go. Aaron’s crying as well calming his husband down talking to him as he distracts Robert because Chas is on the phone ringing an ambulance to pick up Robert. 

“ I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. Please don’t hurt me. “ he slid down the counter crying into Aaron chest sounding so broken. 

Aaron strokes top of his husbands head, hugging him whilst having his own tears drop down his face. “ it’s okay, Rob, It’s okay. We’re not going to hurt ya. “ 

Few minuets later their is siren in the distance. “ love the ambulance is here. “ Chas says softly to Aaron as she lets the paramedics in. 

“ No, no, no, Aaron. what are they doing here? You can’t take me. Aaron they’re going to kill me, why are you doing this to me? “ Robert stood up as he was backing into the counter breathing funny, eyes wide. 

Aaron was holding Roberts shoulders tightly trying to make him listen but he was too far gone, he was panicking too much. 

Vic spoke in a small voice, minutes away from breaking down. “ Rob its okay we’re not going to hurt you. We just need to help you, your safe. “ 

One of the paramedics were walking towards them very slowly and gently, talking in a soft voice like they were trying to get to a small animal.  
“ Robert it’s okay, we’re here to help you. We’re not going to hurt you okay? You just need to calm down. “ 

Robert was fighting against Aaron’s grip. “ they know my name, your going to hurt me! Leave me alone! “ Robert was crying, sounding broken. 

“ Robert. We are here to help you okay, we’re not going to hurt you, we just need you to calm down for us okay? “ 

“ B-but I’m not safe, it’s dangerous. They’re going to hurt me. “ sounding so small, silently crying into Aaron’s chest. 

The paramedics near Aaron and Robert talking again. “ Aaron’s right Robert we only want you safe and okay. We are here to just take you to hospital so we can give you a check up. “ 

“ their never going to let me go home. “ sobbing again. “ you think I’m mad. All of you are laughing at me. “ 

“ none of us are laughing at you Robert, your not going to stay in hospital forever, we just need to do some check ups. Okay? Will you come with us now? “ 

“ Y-yeh. “ Aaron guiding Robert out of the house slowly whispering nothings in his husbands ear, calming him down when he started to panic again but eventually they made it to the ambulance. Vic and Chas following in Vic’s car in a distressed state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy about Ryan being nominated for the NTA * shakes with excitement * 
> 
> Let’s hope they win best partnership * fingers crossed *


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote end of chapter 3 because I didn’t exactly know how to write the therapist and didn’t know what she would say. So, instead I’m just going to have Robert say the things and the techniques what the therapist said for helping him. Sorry if that’s disappointed anyone but i may add their conversation in later chapters?

“ Aaron, where’s Robert now? “  
Chas and Vic finally arriving at the hospital, meeting Aaron at the waiting room who was pacing up and down the corridor. 

“ They’re treating him to see what’s wrong with him. “ finally standing still looking at the worried looks from the two women. 

“ do you know what it is? What’s wrong with him? “ Victoria speaking fast, and worried. 

“ They don’t know for definite but they’re saying it may be Agoraphobia, it’s the more severe type. “ Aaron sounding heartbroken. 

“ how did he get it? What caused him to get this? “ Chas sounding confused. 

“ I don- “ The Doctor came out of Robert’s room looking for Roberts family.  
“ Doctor any news about Robert? Do you know what’s wrong? “ 

The doctor gestured for them to follow him to a private room, where he began to speak.  
“ Robert has told us how he feels, shorty after having a bit of a panic attack we calmed him down, he told us the symptoms that he has been having and what the paramedics said when they got to your house, we are very certain he has agoraphobia. “ doctor stopping to let the information sink in for them. Before speaking again.  
“ Robert can have treatment, we would normally just recommend therapy but because Robert is so severe we are going to give him medication as well as CBT therapy. The sessions would be weekly the course usually lasts up to 12 - 15 weeks. “ 

“ and will he be okay? If he has therapy and medication? “ 

“ Everyone is different, he may react to the medication and be okay as well as the therapy or it’ll won’t work. But we can always try different therapys or medications. “ 

“ will Robert ever be okay if the medication and treatment work?” Aaron says worried tears fill his eyes again. 

“ he may relapse again if that’s what you mean but because Robert has agoraphobia doesn’t mean he can’t have a full filled life. He will just have to talk about how he is feeling and if he feels like he is going to have a panic attack coming, he will have to manage to calm himself down. There are self help guides that can help him, also he can do different exercises to stop stress and anxiety. But he will still have to go to weekly sessions as well as taking the medication. “ 

“ How did he get this? “ Victoria sounding puzzled as everyone else in the room. 

“ Robert has said that he would feel anxious and panicky when he would be in different environments. Looks like his symptoms have gotten worse over time. “ The doctors phone beeped and he had to go leaving Chas, Vic and Aaron left to their own thoughts before one of the nurses came along and let Aaron into Robert’s room where he was currently sleeping. 

Robert was only allowed one visitor for the time being because they didn’t want to over crowd him and make him worse than he already is.  
Aaron had been sitting next to his husband for 30 minuets till he started to stir, he opened his eyes and looked scared. “ Rob It’s okay. Your safe, your in hospital. “ trying to reassure his husband. 

Looking confused and speaking in a croaky voice. “ why I’m I here? “ 

Aaron didn’t exactly know what to say because he didn’t want to upset his husband, but he knew he had too. “ you had a bit of a breakdown, you locked all the doors, kept talking to yourself you looked like you weren’t in the room. “ Aaron’s voice broke eyes filling up with tears. “ I had to break the door down because you wouldn’t let anyone in! When we got in you were in such a state, crying saying everyone is laughing at ya, how they are staring at you. How we are going to kill you or hurt you. We couldn’t calm you down, till eventually you started to listen to me. “ Robert looked shocked, then sad and guilty he was silently crying as Aaron held his hand rubbing his thumb on his hand. “ you really scared me you know. I don’t like seein’ you like that, you looked terrified. How did you get like this Rob? “ sounding confused and heartbroken as he watched Robert hesitant to reply before speaking. 

“ I-I... just.... when I was anywhere I felt panicky I felt that everyone was either laughing or staring at me if I was minding my own business. I always felt embarrassed if I did something wrong or doing something right and I would start to have a tight chest and felt like I was having a panic attack. To the point where I was having panic attacks, then I would worry about having another one and so on and so on. I would start to avoid crowded places because I would start to panic and overthink about how would I act? Or what if I have a panic attack? “ he stopped talking and looked over to his husband who was listening to every word, smiling at him so Robert could continue speaking. “ it came to the point where I didn’t leave the house. Because after the carbon monoxide poisoning I felt unsafe, I felt that I couldn’t leave because I’ll be safe at home where nobody can stare or laugh at me. I don’t know how I got so bad. I just... it just scared me going outside, it was like this massive fear and I couldn’t control it, i felt like if I was at home I wouldn’t have any panic attacks again. “ sighing deeply trying to calm his nerves. 

“ I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry Robert, I’ve been so useless for all these months with you going through this and I couldn’t help ya. “ Aaron’s voice starting to wobble and crack. 

“ No. Don’t think like that okay? You have been amazing, helping me go outside when I physically couldn’t go, helping me through the panic attacks before I couldn’t leave the house. You have always been there. “ Robert sounding so confident wiping away Aaron’s tears, they put their foreheads together and then hugged each other. Words going unspoken, all there had to be said was in the hug. 

Vic walked in on the moment and they both pulled away but still holding each others hands. “ you scared me you know. How did you get like this Rob?” Vic hugging Robert tightly, starting to silently cry again into Robert’s shoulder. After they pulled a part Robert told his little sister the same things he told his husband. After he told her she looked so sad and guilty for not helping but Robert was quick to point out that she had nothing to be sorry for she accepted what her brother said but still felt guilty. 

An hour later the doctor came in to talk about what medications and therapy’s Robert needed, Robert would start taking his medication tomorrow and his therapy sessions a week later because that is the nearest appointment his therapist had for him. Robert could go home tomorrow as well because Robert was okay and wasn’t any need to keep him in. 

Both Aaron and Robert were walking into the Mill, Aaron was bright, happy and cheerful for 8 o clock in the morning. Obviously nerves or something. “ Right there we go all sorted, do you want Tea?, coffee?, hot chocolate? Or any food? I’m sure David’s is- “ 

Aaron looked shocked but then he saw Robert smirk. “ shut up Aaron. I’m fine ish. There isn’t really any need to be nervous okay? I know your worried okay? You have a right to be, but I’m going to have my medication and weekly sessions, I’m going to have my wobbles and set backs but I’ve got you haven’t I? “ Robert hugging Aaron’s middle, kissed him on the forehead, as Aaron did the same back. 

“ I know okay, it’s just I want to make you feel comfortable and safe. “ Aaron sounding soft and voice small as Robert replied with a I know. Robert had his first tablet after flushing it down with gulp full of water, cringing at the bitter taste afterwards.

Liv came through the door looking worried with Seb in her arms. Aaron told her everything about Robert going to the hospital, how he’s been acting since she was in Ireland and Seb was with Diane because she insisted that she had him because she didn’t want to put any stress on either Robert or Aaron. “ Rob, you okay now? “ looking unsure of herself as Seb began to stir in her arms, Aaron walked to them and took Seb who started to babble and smile, tucking onto Aaron’s jumper. 

Robert gestured for her to sit down next to him and he hugged her. “ yeh I will be, nothing to be worried about okay? “ as Liv look worried even more, tears in her eyes. 

“ but Aaron has been saying how you been acting, how you didn’t leave the house it sounded really bad. “ 

“ I know, I worried everyone but I’m going to be fine I’m going to be on medication and going to therapy weekly sessions. I’m not going to be totally fine but more so than I was. “ Liv seemed to relax a little and hugged him before making a snarky comment before running upstairs to talk to Gabby. 

Aaron sat down next to Robert put his hand on his husbands shoulder before giving Seb to Robert because he was reaching for him. “ you don’t have to be strong in front of her you know. “ 

“ I know. But I just don’t want her to worry she has college, she doesn’t need me adding stress does she? And anyway I’ve got you, Vic, and Diane haven’t I? “ both of them smiled before Aaron decided to make tea, spaghetti bolognese Robert’s favourite. All four of them sat down eating their tea with garlic bread, laughing and joking about everything and anything. 

They were watching some movie, Liv wanted to watch, that had comedy, romance and sadness, all of them laughing, Liv sitting on the floor, Seb in his pillow fort, Aaron and Robert cuddled up on the sofa. Aaron had his head leaning on Roberts shoulder as Robert was playing with his husbands fingers feeling so content before his vision started to be funny his eyes kept going blurry, then he felt shaky and agitated for some reason Aaron noticed and asked if he was fine looking concerned, Robert just shrugged him off saying he was fine before he felt sick, like he was going to be sick suddenly he bolted up scaring everyone and running up the stairs going straight to the toilet. 

Liv looked wide eyes “ is he okay? “ whilst pausing the movie. 

Aaron already top of the stairs running after his husband who was leaning over the toilet heaving like he was going to be sick. “ are you okay? “ he knew it was a stupid question but what else was he supposed to say? Rubbing his husbands back trying to comfort him. 

“ ugh. I feel sick, I think I’m going to be sick. “ he started to sweat as well. 

“ it’s probably side effects to the pills. “ speaking gently as he got Robert some water whilst wetting a cloth with cold water and putting it against Roberts forehead. He went to bed afterwards with a hot water bottle feeling cold and he just wanted to sleep. Aaron checked over him once more before going back downstairs as he was walking the stairs he saw Liv playing with Seb, he smiled to himself before reassuring Liv because she was about to speak. “ Robs fine. I think it’s the side effects from the medication, he was just feeling sick. “ 

Liv relaxed again looking more relieved than few moments ago. “ where is he now then? “ sounding confused. 

“ asleep. “ 

“ at this time? “ 

“ yeh. He was exhausted. “ 

The following day Robert was getting ready for his appointment and he started to shake again, feel the panic coming. Aaron noticed and was straight in front of him in a flash calming him down. 

“ I don’t know. I don’t want to go. Everyone going to around and-“ 

“ Rob. It’ll be fine just concentrate on your breathing okay? I’ll be there driving you, picking you up. “ 

When they got into the car, before Robert having a little panic attack again, they were settled. Aaron began driving but as they were making their way to Hotton Robert was panicking again, struggling to breathe, Aaron had to pull off and calm him down as Robert began to calm down and say that he was okay for now they made it to the appointment in time.  
Robert was sitting in the waiting room very anxious, looking all around him leg going up and down, feeling his chest tighten but he remembered Aaron’s words “ concentrate on breathing, look at something that won’t make you worry so much. “ he was still anxious but not panicking he was about to leave because he couldn’t deal with the ‘ looks ‘ from no one that was looking at him. When Robert was called out he entered a room where it was plain only having few books and some plants in there. The woman was nice and friendly, at first Robert was reluctant to speak because he didn’t want to talk about how he’s feeling, he felt embarrassed but Rose, the therapist, was quick to point out that this will help him overcome his fear. After Robert started talking he felt a bit of relief from his session, but he still felt uncomfortable. The hour went fast in Roberts opinion but when he went outside he felt a bit panicky he made it to the car where Aaron was sitting listening to music, reading a car magazine, when he noticed Robert walking to the car he noticed that he was panicking, he kept looking around, it looked like he was repeating something in his head because his lips looked like they were moving as well. Robert got in the car and fastened his seatbelt and then sighed, Aaron spoke hesitantly. “ how was the session then? Did it go alright? “ as Aaron began driving.


	4. Chapter 4

When Robert was called out he entered a room where it was plain only having few books and some plants in there. The woman was nice and friendly, at first Robert was reluctant to speak because he didn’t want to talk about how he’s feeling, he felt embarrassed but Rose, the therapist, was quick to point out that this will help him overcome his fear. After Robert started talking he felt a bit of relief from his session, but he still felt uncomfortable. 

The hour went fast in Roberts opinion but when he went outside he felt a bit panicky he made it to the car where Aaron was sitting, listening to music, and reading a car magazine, when he noticed Robert walking to the car he noticed that he was panicking, he kept looking around, it looked like he was repeating something in his head because his lips looked like they were moving as well.

Robert got in the car and fastened his seatbelt and then sighed, Aaron spoke hesitantly. “ how was the session then? Did it go alright? “ as Aaron began driving.  
“ it went alright supposed. Still don’t like talking about how I feel but....need to do it don’t I?”   
Aaron reaches his hand over whilst still driving and squeezes Roberts thigh.   
“ it’ll get easier Rob, in time. “ he gives him a small smile. 

During the ride home Robert started to get restless, kept playing with his fingers, his coat, moving his feet and he kept looking around in the car. Aaron give him a funny look but he knew that it was the side effects, but it still was little bit annoying when you keep seeing something move in the corner of your eye, but Aaron was worried for his husband. 

When they got to the Mill it was past 4pm they decided to order a Chinese it was only them, Liv out with Gabby and Seb with Diane so they could do what they want. 

They were going to have a binge watching session, so they decide to watch friends, as they were watching friends Robert seemed nervous he didn’t know if it was the meds or him, but his therapist suggested if he wanted to face his fears he should go outside, if he feels a panic attack coming he should think about something positive, don’t fight against the panic it’ll only make himself worse.

So, he was trying to find the courage to ask Aaron if he wanted to help him but for the first 10 minuets he kept moving on the sofa where he was sitting next to Aaron, Aaron was picking up the uneasiness and decided to bate the bullet and ask what was wrong. “ Rob? Why are you acting so nervous for? You keep moving about. Are you okay? “ facing Robert now concern covering Aaron’s face, as he sounded worried as well.  
Robert spoke, he tried to speak, but his voice broke, he cleared his throat before speaking. “ I-I my therapist, she suggested I should go outside. “ Aaron looked shocked and nervous, but he nodded waited for Robert to carry on speaking. “ S-she said that I need to face my fears, if I feel a panic attack coming I need to think something positive. “  
“ right okay. You want to go now? “ Aaron asked in a nervous, unsure voice.  
“ I don’t know, I don’t want to disappointment you if I can’t do it, if I have a panic attack. “ Robert looking down whilst playing with his hands, feeling stupid to feel tears prickle at the edges of his eyes.  
Aaron felt his heart sink at his husbands words he lifted his husbands chin up and saw how upset he was, he stroked Roberts cheek and began speaking softly. “ shut up you muppet, I will never be disappointed in you if you can’t do something, even if you have a panic attack, you can always try again cant ya? You went out today and you have few moments but you got through them didn’t ya? Now makes no difference. “ Robert nodded his head and Aaron smiled at him.  
“ okay lets go now then if that’s okay? “ both of them agreed to do it now, because Robert didn’t want to chicken out. They got their coats on and shoes, Aaron was waiting at the door for Robert who was doing his shoe laces. Robert stood and took in a deep breath he was slightly shaking but not as bad, he walked over to Aaron and put his arm around his waist to just feel close to him.  
Aaron put his arm around Roberts shoulders and kissed side of his head, talked softly.   
“ you ready? “ Robert nodded and Aaron opened the door Robert tensed but started to walk out he was fully outside by the gate the small walk was okay, he felt okay a little panicky of course he would feel like this but he was better than the other times he went outside. Aaron was watching Robert to see if he showed any scenes of being uncomfortable but he looked fine, Aaron still asked to make sure. “ you okay with this? “  
“ Yeh, yeh I am actually. Can we walk to the bridge? It’s just quite there. “ Aaron nodded starting to walk in the direction of the bridge, he couldn’t help the smile that was formed on his face.  
Robert noticed and he frowned, “ why are you smiling for? “ as they were approaching the bridge.  
“ it’s just that I’m really proud of you, walking out here today. You really scared me when you didn’t leave the house, always having panic attacks or just thinking that everyone is going hurt you. “ Aaron’s voice was shaking slightly, tears were in his eyes as he leaned on the wood on the bridge and held Roberts hand.  
“ I’m sorry. I don’t know how to describe though it just... it just got so out of control and I genuinely felt that everything was dangerous. But I’m going to therapy and having medication I do feel a bit more better than I used too. “ Robert hugged Aaron again because he wanted some comfort they pulled away and Aaron began to speak. “ I’m glad you feel better. “ they stood there for a while enjoying the quietness watching the river running fast and over rocks, watching the leaves falling from trees, the wind picked up the speed became more windy, Aaron noticed Robert shivering and he got one of his coats off draped it on Robert. 

Robert put it around himself tighter as he smirked. “ ever the romantic. Your going to be cold now aren’t ya? “ sounding concerned for his husband who was starting to get red cheeks and a red nose. 

“ don’t worry about me okay? I’m more concerned about you. come on let’s go home. “ Aaron puts his arm through Robert’s and they were walking back. 

Robert spoke after the silence from Aaron’s comment which unsettled him. “ you matter as well you know. I want you looking after yourself and not always worrying about me because you’re going permanently grey. “ Robert laughed as he nudged Aaron.

Aaron smiled as he held Robert tighter and kissed his head as they made it inside the Mill. “ I know and I do look after myself but your mine main priority right now. “ Aaron looking at Robert sounding very serious. He was putting his coat onto the hanger. 

He followed Robert to the kitchen getting a beer for himself as he leaned against the counter watching Robert looking in the fridge. “ What do you want for dinner then? “ Robert asked looking in the fridge. 

“ dunno don’t mind. “ 

“ I’m thinking chicken salad sandwich? “ looking at Aaron for his approval and he nods his head. 

Robert makes them both sandwiches makes himself orange juice drink as they both sit down together tucking into their tea. Rest of the night they watch movies and fall asleep on the couch holding each other, when they woke up the tv was still on. That’s going to cost them a fortune in their bills. 

The next morning at 9am when both men woke up late, they were sitting downstairs eating their breakfast enjoying the domestic moments between them. Robert blurted out what he was saying because he didn’t know the best time to say it and because he was nervous about the idea. “ I’m going to counselling at 11 and I was thinking we could have lunch at the woolpack? I know it’s bit of a big step but I want to try and I do feel healthier and fitter, if I have you there I think I’ll be fine.- “ Robert stops his rambling as he is a bit of out of breath as he looks at Aaron who is looking at him proudly but is still unsure. “ i probably till have panic attacks and feel vulnerable but Lorna said that I should push myself a bit more. “   
He looks at his husband who is just in state of shock and he looks like he is finding the words to express how he is feeling but not wanting to put Robert off. 

“ it is a bit of a big step, are you sure your ready going to the pub? It might be busy full of people and it might trigger you even more. “ Aaron spoke sounding worried. 

Robert grabbed Aaron’s hand and squeezed it gently. “ I need to do this, I feel more better walking outside to the gate or bridge than I used to and I feel that I could do this. I probably will have a tiny panic attack but I’ve got you there haven’t I? “ Aaron nodded his head and smiled telling Robert that he will always be there with Robert protecting him from everything and anything. 

Robert went to his counselling session and Lorna was very pleased with Roberts passion to go a little further than the bridge. She was concerned because she doesn’t want Robert pushing himself, because things go in time and if Robert started to stress and overthink about things he could go back to square one. Robert reassured her that he won’t be stressing or overthinking, he told her he feels content, he feels ready now. Lorna give Robert some help guide advice if he does start to have a panic attack again. 

Robert went back to Aaron’s car drove back to the Mill dropping the car off in the drive away. Robert was wanting to do the walk instead of getting out next to the pub. 

When they were walking to the pub Robert felt happy he was okay when they got to the entrance Aaron looked over to Robert looking scared for his husband. “ Are you sure your okay? Nobody, especially me, aren’t pushing you into anything your not comfortable with. “ 

“ honestly I’m fine. I feel okay, I can have a beer to calm my nerves can’t I? “ Robert joked. 

Aaron smiled, happy seeing his husband carefree again.   
“ hmm.” As they walked into the Pub. 

Chas saw them and looked surprised, she has barley seen Robert in months. “ Oh hey Robert. Long time no see. “ she joked nervously as she looked at the two men. 

Robert smiled at her as he leaned against the bar. “ Yeh decided to get out of the house like a hermit and get some fresh air. “ both of them smiled and laughed trying to get out of the tense, awkward atmosphere. “ my counsellor suggested first that I should set goals. Firstly, I went to the gate and then the bridge and it was my turn to try walking here because I want to push myself a little bit. “ 

Chas nodding as she poured Aaron’s beer, she suggested if Robert wanted one but Aaron chipped in first telling her he can’t because of the medication. “ how is this going then? Are you feeling okay? “ 

“ yeh. I do feel... I don’t know? Nervous, but I’m not as bad as few months ago. “ Chas nodding as she patted his hand and moved away to serve over punters, Aaron and Robert moved to sit in the corner booth and ordered themselves a meal. Aaron texted Liv to see if she wanted to hang out with them but she declined, wanting to hangout with Gabby, Seb was spending time with Vic. 

They ate in comfortable silence and talking about random things about everything and they didn’t realise they spent 2 hours in the pub, it only felt like 30 minuets. The time in the pub was okay, Robert was okay he didn’t have any panic attack but did feel his chest tighten a bit, the other villagers spoke to Robert saying how nice it was to see him out and about, they sounded so genuine that it warmed Robert because they actually cared about him. 

They walked out of the pub heading home to go to bed because they were tired and Aaron wanting to spend some time with his husband in privacy. Later in the night when they were wrapped up in blankets and in warmth from their own bodies, Aaron was telling Robert how proud he is of Robert, even letting a few tears escape his eyes because he was just so so happy that his husband is getting better again. 

Next few weeks Robert finished his course of medication and counselling, the doctor was pleased to say that Robert didn’t need anymore medication but maybe he should just keep in touch with his counsellor because he should talk to her but he was only recommending. Robert felt happier than he ever felt before and he could go anywhere he wanted, he could go back to work now and Robert was guilty to admitting but he really missed working with numbers and meeting clients and now he has slipped back into normal routines of work.  
Robert and Aaron have even booked a holiday to Italy because they, mainly Robert, have deserved a holiday after the stress and Robert getting over his fear, and now they are on the plane traveling to South of Italy for 2 weeks in the hot sunshine and sight seeing. One thing Robert was so incredibly grateful of was Aaron standing by him through all the hard, tough times and he never given up on him, he loves Robert so much that he was willing to stay with him and Robert was so happy that he has a husband who will always support him.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I carry on? If so, please tell me what would you like to see in future chapters.
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr - Smugrobron


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